This Changes Everything

Sean McLaughlin
April 9, 2022

I promise this isn’t a “Go-Have-a-Baby” post that talks about how the greatest thing a human can do is procreate.

I’ve recently come to somewhat believe that. But I won’t be that guy here.

My friend Michael Nauss (@michaelnaussCMT on Twitter) just welcomed his first child into the world – a beautiful baby boy – and I couldn’t be happier for him.

And it got me thinking about all the ways my perspectives on things have changed since becoming a father myself nearly 8 years ago.

The biggest change for me is that I’m only now beginning to fully appreciate the hard work and sacrifice my mother had to go through to raise me and my two younger siblings.

My father left our house and the divorce process began when I was about 7 years old. At that time, my mom was a stay-at-home mom with no source of income. And my dad, while well-intentioned, was pretty much a deadbeat when it came to finances. So she was basically left to fend for herself with no money and no family around to help out.

On some small level, maybe I appreciated that when I was younger. But mostly all I could focus on was how everything seemed harder than it needed to be. I would just complain about not having things or being able to do things that my other friends could have and do. And, of course, I just blamed my mom and I was, in hindsight, a real shithead about it.

And the “best” way I dealt with it was to just fake my “independence” and put on airs that I can “handle it.” Don’t worry about Sean, he’s good. He’ll take care of himself. 

After extensive work with a therapist many years later, it became clear I just wanted to stay out of everyone’s way and not be an additional burden to an already burdensome situation for my mother. I selfishly thought I was “helping” by disappearing to friend’s houses and not troubling anyone back home. But a better way for me to help would’ve been to stick around and pitch in around the house with the cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, and babysitting. That would’ve really helped out. But instead, I did none of that and just sulked around my family all the time, always wishing to be someplace else.

It upsets me now to think back on that. What a shithead I was… 

I’ve only recently had these realizations as I now raise my own Son. Like any parent, I often find myself frustrated or upset or worn out by my child. And I catch myself complaining about all the “work.” This then leads me to get angry at myself because I know I have it so much better than my mother ever did. I’ve got a loving wife, we have a stable home, and a supportive and safe small community with a growing network of friends who all love our son.

What could we possibly complain about?

I can go on and on about the lightbulb moments that continue to happen to me as my son forces me to reframe lessons and experiences from my own childhood. There are so many. And they happen almost every day.

As a trader, this also ties back to the lessons and advice we consume during our trading development. If you’re like me, you love to read books about traders – biographies, autobiographies, books on strategies, books about epic market events, etc. Whether deliberately or not, we’ve ingested so much wisdom and timeless advice. But sadly, much of it gets lost in the cobwebs of our minds.

Until something happens.

Maybe it’s a big loss. Maybe it’s a winning streak. Maybe it’s a buyout or merger. Maybe it’s a global macro shock. Maybe it’s a fat-finger trading mistake. Whatever it is, this “unusual” situation all of a sudden accesses a part of my brain that recalls a lesson I once learned or read about, or advice I once received then promptly filed away in the dark recesses of my skull.

The new suddenly becomes old. I now have instructions or intuition to guide me through this “new” situation. That piece of advice I received decades ago suddenly makes total sense! NOW I GET IT!

My brain was just storing this information for a time when I really needed it.

So as I continue reframing past experiences and recalling lessons learned in books long ago, here’s the one sudden realization that parenting, specifically, taught me: Mom was right after all! And dammit, I can’t believe how hard she worked. 

It only took me 47 years to figure this out.

Thank you mom.

P.S. Congratulations, Mike! This changes everything!

 

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